gendermagick: Hey - first of all, thanks for your dedication to your blog and your online community of transbrothers! I'm about to give my parents a "coming out" letter with regard to my trans/gender variant identity. Family is very important to me (I moved back to my hometown recently...) and I've always had a pretty great relationship with my paretns. But I've seen that with some transfolks, their parents are the last people they come out to. Maybe this is because the parents are such a main source of support (or potentially, not support) that it is scary and daunting to come out to them, so guys choose to come out to all their friends first. I'm not "out" to many people, maybe 2 or 3. Who did you come out to first, and how did you expand your "circle of knowledge" about your trans identity? When did you come out to your parents in relation to others?

Hey, first of all, congrats on the letter. It’s a big step and takes courage, so you should be really proud of yrself for getting here.

I told my parents really early on that I was figuring out my gender and going by a new name. It was not well-received. My parents were really important to me, too, and I had always been very honest with them, so it made sense for me to share that part of my life with them. We went through some really hard times because of that. I hadn’t totally figured myself out at that point and wasn’t even identifying totally as trans or solely going by male pronouns. I wish I had waited until I was a little more secure in things before I told them.

I sort of came out by changing my facebook name and gender. My parents though, still in their initial negative reaction, demanded that I not do that. So I deleted that account and got a new one (with my parents blocked for a while) with my new name and gender and added people selectively.

I was at a small, liberal, safe, women’s college, so not only did news spread fast, everyone was really accepting, so I was totally out there pretty earl on.

The next people I told were some family member in Washington state that I had gotten really close to the past summer. They were incredibly supportive (if you go back to the very beginnings of this blog I talk about them) and were sort of a nice anchor of family support that balanced out the struggle my parents were having with it.

By the time I returned to school spring semester, I had told all of my new professors, etc., had my parents support, and was drafting a letter to the rest of the family. I think in March was when I let extended family know (there was some cancer in the family so I decided to delay the coming out just a little bit). My parents sent letters to their close friends in April. I came out to a few old high school teachers somewhat recently. And am in the process of slowly telling old friends and classmates (and exes!) as I reconnect with them online.

Best of luck, and you’ve got all of us to lean on if yr parents don’t come around right away.

Posted 2 years ago with 1 note
Tags: question  coming out  parents  SOFFA   // Comments