Anonymous: What are you thoughts on how fast to come out?

I ask this for two reasons - first of all, I noticed from your transition timeline that you seem to have gone fairly quickly from the "realization" period to the "coming out" period. I don't think this is a bad thing, but it seems like other transmen take a fairly long time in this period.

The other reason I ask is because I'm in this period myself. After years of what I now realize must have been dysphoria, and several years of actively presenting as very masculine, I finally learned of, and came to the realization I am probably Trans several months ago. I increasingly want to come out to people about this, especially my parents, because I want to get things started on the road to T and chest surgery. However, I'm held up in the fear that somehow I'm not waiting long enough to KNOW that I'm Trans, and somehow I'll grow out of this period and realize this was all a mistake.

I was just curious on your opinion on the length of this period, considering your experience with the matter.

I wanted to include the people close to me in my gender journey. So I was open with close friends and immediate family almost from the beginning. I’m also in a queer place and had confidence that my friends and family would be pretty accepting.

I also needed to live and present as a man to “know” that I was trans. I needed to experiment in that to know what I needed to do next.

I can’t say what is right for you, but I do know that harboring a heavy secret without an outlet can be exhausting and emotionally dangerous. So only keep yr gender journey private for as long as is absolutely necessary.

And maybe find a couple of friends and allies who you can be honest with and say - I’ve been thinking about this. This is who/what I think I am, but I’m not sure, and I might realize something different in a bit. This is an evolving identity and I just really need to be open about it with someone - can you accept me as is, friend?

Anonymous: hello, i come with a kind of odd question. i was going to ask fyftms this, but they don't allow anon questions, so...

anyway, i'm ftm, and i'm post-transition/stealth. i've only ever been with girls, but lately i've been wanting to experiment with another ftm. i am definitely attracted to guys, i've just never acted on it. i think that experimenting with another ftm would be a comfortable thing, because we both have limits and know how to respect them.

anyway, my question is: do you know of any hookup sites or anything where i could go about finding another transguy to experiment with? i don't know any transguys irl, so the internet's gonna have to work, i guess. haha

My only suggestion is livejournal. There are a lot of communities for gay and queer trans men over there and they might know of places where you could meet other trans men interested in FTMs or you could maybe just meet some of those guys?

Anyone know of other sites?

ourselvesbecomegods: I just want to thank you for having this blog. I'm an FtM and I've been following for some time and it's a wonderful resource, both informationally and emotionally. At this point, I'm unsure about whether or not I want to surgically/hormonally transition, but all of the links and anecdotes definitely help me with my little issues (like my height). It's difficult to find a helpful and mind-mannered place since the subject is so touchy and close to so many people, and I really respect how you're able to answer people's questions. Thank you.

Thanks for this message :) I’m really glad xxboy has helped

lgbtadvocate: I am applying to college next year and need some advice on applying before any legal changes have been made. My parents are not very supportive of me and so I cant really get anything done before I go.

Do you know anything about this?

P.S <3 your blog.

I actually don’t know anything about this unfortunately. I’d talk to the colleges you are applying to if you want them to be in touch with you using preferred names and pronouns. Talk to the admissions offices?

I’m sorry to hear about yr parents. Good luck with everything!

Anonymous: I had no idea there was such a label as "MTM". That fits me pretty perfectly. Are there any resources/forums for MTM guys?

I’m guessing there probably are at livejournal. Try searching for MTM tags and communities over there. Anyone know of any?

Anonymous: have you ever considered living as stealth?

Yes. I’ve considered lots of varying levels of stealthness.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about my facebook. I’ve had the desire to remove all my old photos because all these new people in my life who are meeting me as Sebastian the guy facebook friend me and then can see my trans history and my past as “Sarah.” I don’t have old photos of me tagged because that’s not who I see myself as, but I do have childhood photos of me (where I am clearly living as a young girl) tagged. And I have photos from high school and early college uploaded and not tagged.

And I regularly have short debates with myself about this. I always decide to keep the photos though, because they are important parts of who I am and I don’t want to have to erase them from people’s perceptions of me. Me dressed as the easter bunny is something I want to share with people. Even if it means outing myself as trans.

I’m also really proud of the work I do on trans issues. I like being able to share that with people in my life.

So I’ve decided that there is too much of my past that I want to show people to live stealth. That’s a personal thing and definitely a question I revisit all the time.